An Interview with my favorite Stormtrooper

TwinDaddy!

Thanks for doing this. I think we’re pretty much BFF’s already (or at least I’m a person that you wouldn’t shoot). But a few questions couldn’t hurt. What do you say?

Enjoy,

BroJo

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As long as you don’t almost get me force-choked by Vader like Le Clown did then I don’t see what it would hurt.

Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back (1980) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

BroJo: So, that Storm Trooper that bonked his head on the door header…that was you, wasn’t it?

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TD: Can I plead the fifth?  Does that work in interviews?  Um, no…

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BroJo: Twins? (That is probably all the question you can afford right now.)

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TD: Yeah.  The hospital decided one wasn’t enough and took my kid to the xerox machine there and made me another one.  I’m not sure how I was selected for that program.

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BroJo: Baby C… (which is a different Baby C from this person’s Baby C) Star Wars fan?

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TD: Absolutely.  He goes bonkers at the beginning of every movie when the music starts and the opening crawl is, uh, crawling across the screen.  He also likes to play with all the collectibles I have which make noise, the most notable of which is a Darth Vader coin bank which plays the Imperial March when you press the button or drop a coin inside.  The batteries are about dead in that. Finally.

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BroJo: How do you feel about Star Trek?

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TD: I like Star Trek, but it’s got nothing on Star Wars.  I will say that JJ Abrams has really breathed life back into that franchise and I’m hoping he can to the same for that galaxy far, far away.

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BroJo: Have you seen the Epic Rap Battles of History One (Here) and Two (Here) with Darth Vader?

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I have not.  I will have to Bing that.

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BroJo: You post a lot. How do you keep up?

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TD: Actually, my post count will probably go down soon.  I blog a lot at work because of downtime, but we just started a new project which will keep me pretty occupied.  I’m already way behind on my reading and I think my goal of at least one post a day is going to have to be reevaluated.

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BroJo: Do you schedule your post…or do you upload them right after you’re done writing?

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TD: It depends. Sometimes I make my posts for two to three days in a row and I schedule those.  Sometimes I do a post the night before I want to publish it and schedule it for the next morning.  Most of my posts, however, I publish as soon as I’m finished writing them.

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BroJo: Star Wars VII, VIII and IX?

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TD: I’m stoked.

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BroJo: Have you ever written a post that was exactly 1138 words long? I bet you will now.

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TD: Sadly, no.

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BroJo: What did you think about the movie Fan Boys?

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TD: It was pretty fun, actually.  I was surprised how much I liked it.  I haven’t seen it in a while and need to watch it again, though.

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BroJo: How often do you wash your suit?

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TD: I don’t.  I make the kids to it.  Parenting bonus!

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BroJo: Do you stay away from spicy food? You know…because it might lead to fartiness.

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TD: Oh, man.  Spicy food is my weakness.  I love it.  Sadly, I can only eat it on my days off or otherwise I’d dutch oven myself to death.

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BroJo: What color of suit do you wear after Labor Day?

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TD: Strangely enough, the Emperor doesn’t care about labor day so we still have to wear white, but I would love to have one of those black suits of armor. They look so much cooler than the white ones.

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BroJo: How is it that all of those Jedi’s died…but Jar Jar Binks survived?

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TD: I have no effin’ clue.  If I ever see that stupid Gungan I’ll make like Greedo and shoot first.

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BroJo: When are we going to collaborate on a….wait, never mind?

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TD: On a what?  A meal?  A novel?  A poem?  A blog….oh.  I see what you did there.

Storm Trooper (Photo credit: Brady Withers)

Who would you have me interview next?

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Hmmm…..how about Steph from She Said What?

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Looks like I got some research to do. Until next time, keep on keeping on. Don’t forget to check out TwinDaddy Here.

Q & A with Photo-Bio (Say Cheese!!)

Today we head over to Photo-Bio to have an interview in the smallest place possible…a photo booth. I’ve known the author for as long as all of the other interviewees put together. Check it out…and his site. Here, here and here.

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Photo-Bio (Aka Matt)

Do you mind if I call you Matt? Anyway, I figured it was about time I interviewed someone I grew up with…not just someone I know. Good think you came along to fill that blogging void. I’d like to introduce you to my readers…but that involves answering some questions. What do you say?

BroJo,

It’s great to hear from you. Of course you can call me by my first name, most people do.  I’d love to answer your questions also, but take my answers along with everything else on the old inter-web. You can’t believe everything you read…

BroJo: Matt, we’ve known each other for almost 20 years now…crazy! How’s life been since High School Graduation?

Matt: 20 years? We can’t be that old can we? Life has been good overall. I went to college, then to graduate school, then got married, decided to have kids later, spent my money on traveling and didn’t save any for kids, then decided to wait even longer to have kids, wondered If we were willing to trade our freedom for kids, watched all of our friends have kids and give up their freedom, then decided to take a break from being a professional counselor to spend time doing my hobbies which means no income and now I don’t have to wonder about kids because I couldn’t support one if I had one.

BroJo: Speaking of High School – some of the best music back then came from the Backstreet Boys (Tell me why!) What kind of stuff are you listening to nowadays?

Matt: Great question, I don’t really have much time to check out new stuff since I spend almost all of my free time enslaved by the melodic shackles of Michael Bolton, Air Supply, and Creed. Anyone who can move past these has my undying respect. In all honesty, I like a variety of music but have been on a folk revival kick as of late.  The Lumineers, Mumford and Sons, and Of Monsters and Men seem to be getting a lot of play. Also I frequently go back to Florence and the Machine. I can’t get enough of her powerful voice.

BroJo: The last time we hung out was at our Ten Year Class Reunion. I was a little (a lot) wasted, so I don’t remember. Did you ever get a haircut?

Matt: AHA! Trick question. Do you mean the hair on my head or my beard? The former gets chopped about every two years purely due to laziness. The latter depends on formal events I must attend. If a wedding comes up, I shave. Usually I grow the beard out a few levels, past the Proud stage, and I hover somewhere between the Amish stage and Walt Whitman. I sense your next question, and no, I have not made it to the Chris Kringle stage.  The remaining body hair may or may not be removed through a calculated and sometimes painful process, but I cannot comment on this here. To learn more you must go to:

www.mattsbodyhairremovalthroughacalculatedandsometimespainfulprocess.com

You must be 21 years of age or older to view.. (Editor’s Note: I don’t think this is a real site…but try it out anyway.)

BroJo: In Middle School I remember you having to blow your nose, like all the time. Is this still true?

Matt: This question is proof that there is nothing worth remembering or talking about from middle school. It is a horrible time in life, and I think most people agree. I first tried to think of something embarrassing and humiliating to say about you from middle school, but honestly I can’t think of anything.  On the off-chance that you asked this out of concern for my health as an adult, the answer is no. Luckily my body has learned that it doesn’t have to secret 10% of my total body’s water content each day. Also, moving to different areas with less pollen has helped.

BroJo: You shared the same name with someone younger than you in school. I imagine this must be like being known as Russ’s Older Brother…as I was. Was it?

Matt: Actually nobody in our school ever mistook either of us as the other, nor did they refer to him as say “ridiculously good-looking” when they meant me. We were opposite in many ways. He was muscular, I was not. He was in the cool sports like football, and I was in golf. He likely had romantic attachments to girls who reciprocated the sentiment, whereas I went to dances with girls that had just broken up with their boyfriends and wanted to be there with somebody to make them jealous. The police did show up at my house once looking for someone by my name, but it happened to be the other one as the problematic incident required a strength that I obviously did not possess.

BroJo: Photo Booths, huh? What’s next, if you’re ever done…Phone Booths perhaps?

Matt: No.

BroJo: What kind of Super Hero would change inside of a Photo Booth?

Matt: The kind that likes to have pictures taken while changing clothes. Perhaps Professor Perve or maybe The Lewd Lord Newd.  (Actually, Superman was in a photo-booth as we know from Superman III, in 1983)

BroJo: So…what sparked such a great interest in Photo Booths?

Matt: Well I was born in one to start. Not really, but that would be a great story. I guess I’m just drawn to how fun they are and intrigued by their potential. In the modern age of photographic editing, there is something refreshing and beautiful about a still image with a fixed depth that is never tampered with. Especially with chemical-based black and white booths, each strip is unique and no matter how you try, it cannot be exactly the same. There is no copy, no negative. It is one of a kind.

BroJo: What is your favorite ‘pop culture’ Photo Booth? I liked the one from New Girl. “Jess, this is my new home…”

Matt: 1984 wins as the best year for photo-booths, in my opinion. Among other films where booths made an appearance, two of them are tied for my favorite: The Terminator and The Karate Kid. In The Terminator, a character hides successfully then emerges holding a pistol. In The Karate Kid, Daniel and Ali show us what booths are made for – good old-fashioned fun.

BroJo: Where’s the easiest place to find a Photo Booth?

Matt: That depends on if you live in a major city in France or in an unincorporated hamlet in Iceland.  It may be across the country or right down the block. The best place to look for a photo-booth (vintage chemical booths, not low quality mall digital booths) is at www.photobooth.net.

There is a Booth Locator section where you can search for booths near you.

BroJo: What is your opinion about pictures that are taken outside of a Photo Booth?

Matt: There’s a lot I could say, but most of it would be boring and probably inaccurate. I think the ability to take pictures at all is an amazing thing. We can capture moments in time, see family members long after they are gone, be taken to distant places that no longer exist or that we can’t reach. Taking pictures is so easy that everybody is a photographer now. If you are not a technical person, then you can do some touch-ups later in any number of editing programs. All of that is great too. Photo-booths are a dying breed that employs a photographic style which is nearly extinct.  I simply prefer photo-booth pictures because they require a lot of effort on the front end and none afterwards.

BroJo: Fake Biographies, huh? What’s next…a fake Autobiography perhaps?

Matt: Actually, before long there will be a picture or two of me. I too will have a fake name and a fake biography. So, yes, in a way it will be a fake autobiography.

BroJo: What kind of writing have you done other than Fake Bios?

Matt: I’ve written bad poetry, a few short stories, and several research papers for psychology and counseling classes. I’m not a writer.  I have committed recently to writing regular post-cards and letters to friends. Hopefully I can stay disciplined with it.

BroJo: What other hobbies do you have?

Matt: I have too many to have time to enjoy them all.  Some of the big ones are writing, photography, music, travel, and thinking of different ways that I should be exercising.

BroJo: How many girls have turned you down when asked to dance?

Matt: What a cleverly disguised insult this is BroJo. Good for you.  Not only have I never been asked to dance, but I have never been asked anything by a girl who could be construed as romantically suggestive. Luckily for me, I found a woman to marry me without needing to have dancing skills. I dance sometimes, but she usually asks me to stop.

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There you go. If you didn’t get a chance to check out his site you can here, here, here, here and here.

Walt Whitman and Peter Doyle, circa 1869 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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• Prelude to an Interview (A Reunion Story) (brotherjonspage.wordpress.com)

Monk Monkey Tells All

It’s time for another first here on Brother Jon…An interview with a Primate. I was able to get some much-needed help from my fellow Word Pressers. Enjoy!

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What do you regret most about becoming a Monk? ~ Meet David Harding (David Harding)

Before I entered my life of prayer, solitude and bingo every Tuesday, I used to host a Scrabble Club every Friday night. I was so good – I knew all the strategies, useful two-letter words and how to spell zyzzyva (look it up on dictionary.com, people). But no one at the monkestry likes the game. Doris says it’s for dorks.

Where did the practice of flinging one’s own poo begin? ~ Christopher De Voss

According to legend… I have no idea… But I’d like to think it began when Charlton Heston realised the Planet of the Apes was Earth. It is so frustrating to think how stupid humans could be – they might even blow up the planet one day – that you just feel the need to poo in your hand and fling it at the screen.

Cover of Planet of the Apes [Blu-ray]

So, the troop at the Monkestry, are they really all different people, or just your multiple personalities (with whom you communicate via meditation)? ~ Glow Worm

As far as I know they are real people. But it doesn’t matter because I figure that if they were my multiple personalities I would see them as real so I would believe they were real anyway. Whether or not they were really real I would believe they were real and they would act and look and feel real to me even if they were not really real. Really. Wait, maybe I AM just thinking they are real and they aren’t really real! That would explain why no one talks to me, actually.

Do you offer benefits to your employees? ~ Maddie Cochere

YES!

1. Free entry to the monkestry on Saturdays.

2. Tea and biscuits for .50c (just put your money in the tin.)

3. On their birthdays we ask Doris to make a cake (she usually doesn’t), and

4. Plastic name tags.

Is Jeremy single? He seems pretty deep. ~ 25 to Fly (Becca Cord)

Of course he is single. He is a loser.

I know you shared some of your Monk wisdom a few posts ago, but if I made a special pilgrimage to you Monkestry, what personal gem of wisdom would you have for me? ~ Glow Worm

Glow thee, verily, and in turn, thy world may learneth to shine.

Where did the word “Toiley” come from? It makes the porcelain throne sound so…fun! ~ 25 to Fly (Becca Cord)

A typo. I printed out a sign for the toilet door but pushed the Y key instead of the T and the name just stuck because Des who cleans it assumed that’s what I wanted it to be called. I tried explaining the error to him but he walked away humming some stupid tune.

Toilet (Photo credit: paukrus)

I want to go to the South African bush and be a surrogate mom for a baby monkey. As a primate, is there any advice you can give for raising a newborn? ~ Tales of a Charm City Chick (La La)

You know, many many (many) people ask me this question. It isn’t as easy as you think. First, you need to be naked 24/7, let strange monkeys groom you as you cling to a tree, and there are no showers, toothpaste or Martha Stewart. Your baby will cling to your back for months at a time, and it will poo and whizzle down your back. BUT it can be a very rewarding experience. I suggest you learn sign language, practise climbing trees, and make yourself as unattractive as you can – you don’t want those silverbacks getting interested in any way.

What is your original name? I imagine it changes when you become a Monk much like when you become a Pope. ~ Brother Jon

I was christened Michael Monkey. Then I became Brother Monkey, then Monk Monkey. One day I hope to become Friar Monkey and then (of course) Pope Monkey. Then people will kiss me on the ring.

The Monk and Monkeys of Swayambhunath (Photo credit: nodmonkey)

What is your favorite type of banana? ~ Glow Worm

I don’t mind, but my favourite dish is banana burgers. Get a bun, mash a couple of bananas up with a fork, pile the slop on the bun, add a slice of pickle and you’re done!

Other than being a successful monk and a very pretty monkey – what other secret talents do you possess? ~ iRuniBreathe (Tania)

Not many people know this, but I used to practise jungle martial arts. I can flip people over waterfalls and hit you at the speed of three elephants.

By chance, when you purchased Jeremy, did you pay 50 dollars plus 50 cents legal fees? ~ Glow Worm

I first met Jeremy as he was being paraded around the back streets by his previous owner. He was singing a lovely song about how the boy was for sale. I bought him and put him to work/live in the corner of the bingo hall straight away. He’s been there ever since. I think he cost tuppence and a bob.

How do you keep a kookaburra quiet? ~ iRuniBreathe (Tania)

Kiss it, love it, hug it, and then tell it you have just passed on some terrible disease. It will go away and leave you in peace.

Word on the street is that you like to wear spandex pants and shorty shorts. Can you tell us how you keep your body so slim and trim? (I have photographic proof of his beautiful gams!) ~ Sips of Jen and Tonic (Jen)

Jen, I gave those photos to Tonic for his personal use only. They are private! But seeing as you asked about my lovely body, in order to stay fit and trim, I do this each night…Super Secret Monk Monkey Workout Video!!

What do you wear under you Monk robe? ~ Maddie Cochere

See question 14 above.

English: Chinese Buddhist monk with a long yellow robe. Shanghai, China. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The bald spot you got sporting there; is that natural…or do you shave it in al la Friar Tuck? ~ Brother Jon

It’s a Tucky (that’s what we call them – “Ooh! Nice tucky!” you say). When you become a monk you shave your head like this. No one knows why. It is funny, though – when I hit a really high note in a chant, sometimes the little hairs that crown my bald spot quiver a bit.

Amen.

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Thank you everyone for all of the help. Instead of only having to write half of a post…I had the opportunity to write about 1/4 of a post. Yay!!

Hooked on Tonics Answered for Me

It’s that time of the week again. Jen stops by to let us peek into her soul. Have a look…

Vyvy from Vyvacious Eats….Essentially an Interview with Batman

It’s interview time!! This is the part of the post where I introduce who I’m interviewing…I think you can figure it out on your own.

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An Interview with a Big Phat CREATIVE LIAR!!!

Hey guys! What better way to introduce myself to the new followers then by introducing them to someone else. It’s yet again time for a Celebrity Blogger Interview. Today we have Ericka Clay over at Creative Liar. She’s super talented and super good looking…if you don’t believe me just ask her, she’ll tell you.

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Hello Ericka (Creative Liar….aka CL)

How ya been? I hope all is well. In my quest to find more BFF’s I’ve discovered that I haven’t interviewed anyone from your Country. That is, from Texas. I lived in Texas once, it was awesome. I’m sure that’s because you were within the borders also. So, in order to include you on my list of BFF’s I need to get to know you better. Do you mind answering some questions? I’ve noticed that you like to do list that are 21 statements long. I usually send 15 questions, but I’ll try for 21 this time…..a first in Celebrity Blogging Interviews. You feel special, don’t you? (That one doesn’t count!)

BroJo: How many times have you done the “Cut, It, Out” gag in your life?

CL: I’ve only done it on three special occasions: my wedding, the birth of my child and that time I accidentally ate a penny.  I’m just kidding.  It was no accident.

BroJo: Speaking of hairy Aliens, you also like Alf. Do you like to eat cats or something? 

CL: Listen, just because someone accidentally covers a cat in barbecue sauce and accidentally eats it doesn’t mean she actually likes it.  But in my case it was delicious.

BroJo: Would all guys look better if they were to wear Sombreros? 

CL: Everything would look better in a sombrero.  Except a sombrero.  That would just be ridiculous.

Sombreros cordobeses. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

BroJo: You wear Skechers Shape Ups, like for real. You must have really toned……calves. 

CL: You know, I don’t wear them only to tone my….calves.  My main goal is to be taller than a five-year-old and with Skechers Shape Ups, I’m 73% of the way there!

BroJo: You’re about a month younger than my little brother, and more talented than me. This makes me feel old and sad. 

CL: Dad, is that you?

BroJo: Can I get free, signed copies of your books? (I bet you never heard that) Wait…not like that…but, ahh…never mind. 

CL: I actually get asked that all the time.  By my grandmother.

BroJo: Do you still owe your dad that “money”? 

CL: If by “money” you mean trapping an angry drunken wombat in his car for him to unwittingly discover, then consider the debt paid.

BroJo: Are you still Vegan? Just because you don’t eat sandwiches anymore doesn’t mean you can’t make me one.

CL: Yes, I just went back to veganism again, and I have never felt so amazing/starving in my life.  And I would love to make you a sandwich, but my husband doesn’t let me use sharp objects.  Smart man.

BroJo: I was on Le Clown’s Blogroll before you were….HaHaHaHaha (You’re still better looking though.) 

CL: Sure, but did you make a life-sized statue of Le Clown out of butter and put it in your ex’s attic for it to go rancid?  Yeah, that’s what I thought, Jon. (Editor’s Note: Don’t get on Ericka’s bad side…unless you have an ample amount of toast.)

BroJo: I read something about Social Anxiety Disorder. Me Too. High Five? 

CL: I would but then I’d anxiously vomit.

BroJo: Favorite 90′s pop band that includes only brothers? (That’s not leading, is it?) 

CL: HANSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*(#$@#($*@!($*!@$*#($@*#(  Ahem.

BroJo: I just noticed I have a bag of potato chips. Best day ever. You ever have a similar situation? 

CL: Yes, I found a half chewed piece of gum under my car.  I don’t get out much.

BroJo: Somehow I have more likes on my Facebook page (Brother Jon – 156, oops just went to 158) than you have on yours (Creative Liar – 148) This doesn’t seem right. How can we fix that? 

CL: Tell all your followers to check out facebook.com/creativeliar where I like to say the f-word and talk incessantly about rabid giraffes.  Don’t forget to tell your grandmothers!

BroJo: My Grandpa wore a fanny pack, mostly because he liked to wear sweat pants that didn’t have pockets. Is this your reasoning too? 

CL: Is there any other?

BroJo: You’re not from Arkansas are you? I’m in Missouri…which is different (maybe better) but about the same. High Five? 

CL: Total high-five.  And yes I’m from Arkansas.  It’s one of the main reasons I refuse to wear shoes in public.  The other seven reasons are because I’m bat shit crazy.

BroJo: Oh man, coming up with 21 things is hard. How do you do it? 

CL: Unicorn dust.  But don’t snort it unless you never want to step foot in North Dakota again.

BroJo: How do you prefer your wine; Cork….screw cap…or in a box? 

CL: Cork.  I like to turn the corks into earrings and guilt various family members into wearing them at holiday functions.  And by family members I mean my husband.

BroJo: How do you like your steak cooked? 

CL: Medium.  That’s also how I like my tofu.

English: Tofu scramble (vegan) (Photo credit: Wikipedia) (Gross!!!)

BroJo: Do you know what a buckeye is? I was once in a bar in New Braunfels, TX and a guy asked me, while watching a college game, because “you’re from Missouri – you should know.” 

CL: I have no idea but if it can be covered in barbecue sauce and meows a little, count me in!

BroJo: What is(are) your favorite book(s)? (Can’t say your own.)

CL: Ugh, fine.  Let’s see, The Year of Magical Thinking, The Glass Castle, A Confederacy of Dunces, Endgame (more of a play than book but whatevs), The Time Traveler’s Wife, The Giver, Bridge to Terabithia, The Bell Jar, Fear of Flying, Forever ( by Pete Hamill), and anything David Sedaris has written, will write or has/will ever even consider writing.  Also, Everybody Poops.

BroJo: Where should I go for Spring Break this year? (If I were still young enough to do such things.) 

CL: Anywhere except my ex’s attic.  I hear it’s a little too buttery this time of year. (Editor’s Note: TOAST!!)

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I want to thank Ericka very much for taking the time to answer my questions. I hope you all enjoyed it…and learned something too.

Any one else interested in being interviewed? Just ask in the comments or shoot me an e-mail. It’s listed above.